Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Bold and Deliberate

Mar 17, 2007


so there's this vine growing through the top of my kitchen window and it recently developed some bright green leaves. i'm lovin' it to life. i've always been mindful of the way vines just do their thing regardless. and all of nature for that matter. like the way a bright yellow flower will burst through cracks in concrete. or how roots of a tree will just shatter a sidewalk. so i started thinking, i need to be just as bold in my positive endeavors at all times. no inhibitions. just doing my thing cause that's all i know how to do. growing. progressing. continually going forward. with no insecurities or doubts. letting nothing hold me back. just like every other natural entity does. yep. flytie to the fullest. ;-)

"if this life is heaven, can we live like the stars?"--Fertile Ground


Stand Firm.

Apr 8, 2008


last week i was in the store on one aisle and heard the following conversation on another aisle between a young child (maybe 3-4 yrs. old) and someone who i assumed was her mother.

judging from what i heard, the girl must have been asking for a particular item. it went something like:

woman: i’ll get it for you, but you can only have one.

girl: i want 2.

woman: no. you can only get one. which one do you want?

girl: 2

woman: you’re only getting 1!!

girl: but i want 2.

woman: pick one so we can go.

girl: 2.

woman: one or none!

girl: 2.

*end conversation*

the way in which it all went down was just great.

the thing i loved about it is that the child never raised her voice or threw a fit, but you could hear the firmness and determination in her tone. for her, to get less than 2 of whatever she was asking for was not an option. i could just picture her standing there with her hands on her hips while wearing a super woman cape blowing in the wind. ok. there was no wind and no cape, but that’s what i thought of. you know, something like those typical superman images but in girl/woman form.

(for those of you familiar with pages 240-241 of Anthony Browder’s Nile Valley Contributions to Civilization no need to fret. the child was of the same persuasion as those usually depicted in the super people images, so *my* mental images weren’t distorted, ha ha!)

the girl knew what she wanted and didn’t back down. i really appreciated how defiant and assured of herself she was.

i don’t know whether she got 0, 1, or 2, but things seemed peaceful when i saw them walk by.

witnessing that was right on time, since i was running some situations through my mind and feeling a bit unsure about whether i should initiate certain things. she remined me of the importance of being "bold and delibarate" in my actions and requests.

seems that i’m always in places hearing things that, when i think about it, can usually be applied to my life in one form or another.

i can dig it.


"Ain't I A Woman?"


Something I heard on libradio recently reminded me of something I thought about a while back and might have mentioned in a previous blog. There's long been this whole issue of "teenage pregnancy" and girls giving birth at a young age. People and organizations are constantly pushing abstinence, latex condoms, and "safe sex" for young girls throughout their teen years. However, when they hit 20 and are no longer teens, no one comes to them and says, "Ok, you're now out of the teen pregnancy statistic zone. You can start making babies." Therefore, in essence, the whole push to prevent teenage pregnancy has the potential to become a lifelong phenomenon where the girl, as she grows into a woman, never realizes that it's "ok" to have a baby.
I can relate this to my own life. Here I am at 25 and I still feel like I'm too young to have a baby. When I was a teenager, so much fear was instilled in me when it came to getting pregnant, and when I was out of the teen zone, that fear never went away. When I turned 20, no one ever came to me with the same determination and concern that they had when I was young and encouraged me to start having babies.
As a teen I saw one of my close cousins get pregnant at the age of 16 and heard how everyone was all over her case about it. One of my good friends got pregnant at 14 and I heard everyone in church tear her down. One of my "play cousins" who was a lead singer in the church choir also got pregnant at 14, and I heard everyone talk down about her and her parents. My dad gave me a lecture when one of my cousins on that side of the family got pregnant. And the killing part about it is that she was no longer a teen. But since I was still a teen at that time, he wanted to let me know that I'd better not come up pregnant (funny, cause at that time I was a major tomboy and could care less about doing the do.) My mom had me at 17 and I know how hard she had it. And it goes on and on. All this coupled with all the "well-meaning" commercials and lectures from random people resulted in me having a literal fear of pregnancy. And I can honestly say that at 25 it hasn't completely vanished.

All this is not to say that I'm ready to have children. I know I'm not ready right at this moment, but some day I would like to have some little ones. Or maybe a little one. :-) But it's absolutely insane to me how I still carry part of that same mentality regarding pregnancy (for myself) that I did when I was a teen. The other day a lady approached me with some pamphlets that she wanted me to read. One was concerning "ethnic integration" or something like that and the other was concerning raising a family. Well, when she went to give me the one about family, she said, "Well, you're too young to have children, but I'll give it to you anyway." Now I know that sometimes I have a tendency to appear younger than I am (and often feel like I'm about 10), and I'm sure the woman meant no harm by the comment, but it just made me think about this whole thing all over again. It's like, at that moment when she made the comment, I reverted back to when I was 15 and thought, "I am too young to have a baby." It's brainwashing for life, I tell you!!

Now anyone who listens to libradio knows that keidi speaks on the subject of population control and eugenics to a great extent. The day that this whole teen pregnancy issue was being discussed he was relating it to the eugenics movement, basically saying that the fertility of black women in the US and other countries was not and has not been something that's necessarily been promoted or supported. Rather, there has been and apparently still is a deliberate movement to prevent the increase of the black population (Planned Parenthood, Margaret Sanger, etc.)

I'm not gonna get into that whole discussion right now, but I can say that if young black girls have the same fear towards pregnancy that I did when I was their age and carry it over into their latter years, then we might have a problem.

I'm glad to say that my views toward "teen pregnancy" aren't the same as they were when I was a teen…back when, in my mind, it was synonymous with the plague. Yet, as a woman in my mid 20's (eeek!) I still need to release some of those mental shackles where *me giving birth* is concerned.


Jul 25, 2008


last night i was at someone's house and they just happened to have the tv turned to another of those programs that say this, say that, show the unfortunate situations and struggling people, don't deal with the roots of the problems, then appoint the usual suspects or the usual suspect mentality/view point to offer solutions that, in my opinion, are superficial and irrelevant. I believe this time it was called "Black in America."

as i was on the couch dozing off, i heard a mcdonald's commercial that was, naturally, targeted towards black folk. since i'm used to typical advertizing strategies, i thought nothing of it. (and i don't necessarily just mean advertising towards a specific demographic. i'm also mostly talking about how companies have the ability to package inferior products nicely and present them to the public in an appealing manner...through the employment of cute children, soothing voice overs, etc). but then i heard the 3 words, "good wholesome food." in my foggy, half asleep state, i thought to myself, "wait a minute. that couldn't have been right. mcdonal's describing their food as wholesome??" so i waited til the commercial aired again (knowing it would), and sure enough, they were saying something about the food being wholesome. does anyone else find this laughable? or maybe sad is more like it.

from dictionary.com:

1. conducive to moral or general well-being; salutary; beneficial: wholesome recreation; wholesome environment.
2. conducive to bodily health; healthful; salubrious: wholesome food; wholesome air; wholesome exercise.
3. suggestive of physical or moral health, esp. in appearance.
4. healthy or sound.

now, i realize i may have missed something. here lately i don't see commercials or read a lot of advertising. somewhere along the way mcdonald's may have become wholesome. but if not, these people are trippin'. it's bad enough that they and those corporations like them are even able to market death on a mass scale the way they do but to take it to the next level where they're trying to come across as providers of wholesome food is just ridiculous.

hopefully this won't seem like just another fast food bashing post. i've pretty much come to terms with what fast food is and the fact that people choose to partake in it. hey, it is what it is. but wholesome...? come on, now.




i am becoming less and less and less and less tolerant of others holding back for numerous reasons that, when it all comes down to it, amount to fear.

which in essence means...

i am becoming less and less and less and less..and less tolerant of me holding back for numerous reasons that, when it all comes down to it, amount to...fear.

"may we forever do our thang."


Power Source

Sep 7, 2008


ok. for the sake of making the story easier to tell, i'll refer to the main characters by their sex and "race".

at the post office the other day i'm standing in line behind an elder black lady. a white lady walks in and gets in line 2 people behind me. a guy walks in that the white lady apparently knew, and they proceed to make small talk. the guy asks how she'd made out in the hurricane. the lady answers that her property is fine but she and her husband were in paris when it hit, so she hadn't had to go through it. they both kinda laugh a little, make more small talk, bid each other a good day, and the man walks out. (he'd only come in to pick up some forms or something)

it's quiet in there, so the conversation is heard by all. the black lady turns to me and says in a low voice, "you heard her say she was in paaaaris during the storm??", while making a funny face. i reply with a smile and generic line, "yeah. musta been nice." her: "humph!!! paaaris. that's ok there's another hurricane on the way. it's gone get 'em. don't worry!"

at this point i just look at her.

so i'm guessing the black lady was offended that the woman said she'd been in paris during the hurricane. (and for the record, the white lady didn't say "paaaaris" all dragged out like that as the black lady made it seem. she just said "paris".) to me the women didn't come across as snooty or above everybody else when she told the man she'd been out of the country. she was simply stating what was.

but the killing thing about it is the way the black lady turned to me as if i was supposed to turn my nose up with her or something and be bitter towards that lady for saying she was in paris, lol! i mean dang. i wonder what would have happened if i'd told her that i hadn't experienced the storm either, cause i was in dallas. but maybe dallas wouldn't have gotten as big of a rise out of her as paris did. lmao!

but it made me think of something. this scenario seems pretty common. people hold animosity towards others for unjustifiable reasons. someone stating something or representing something that you (general) perceive to be above your current life experience doesn't mean that that person thinks they're more than you. it could very well be all in your head and a reflection of your own insecurities.

yeah, there certainly are instances where people feel like what they have or their high status in society (which, to me, really has nothing to do with who they truly are) sets them on a higher level than others and they look down on these others with contempt. but i don't think it's healthy or conducive to sanity to just go around assuming that this is the case. and i'm only assuming that this is what the black lady was doing, so maybe i'm wrong too. but that's just how it came across.
(and maybe i shoulda brought this point up to her.)

it's like exchanging your power for some wack a** depleted energy that you concocted and use against yourself to your own detriment. such a shame.


Quantitative Qualification

Nov 11, 2008


"When dummies have children, you gone have a dummy for a child."--Unknown

I recently heard this comment while listening to libradio.com, and was immediately reminded of discourse I heard at another time on the same station. One person was making the case for the support of fertility and reproduction among black women. He was laying out statistics for the number of aborted black babies over a given period of time and surmised that the prosperity of black people in this country is contingent upon a reduction in abortions among black women of child bearing age. In a nutshell, he is pro population increase among black folk no matter what.

The other person, clearly less of a population increase enthusiast than the first, was making an argument based on the likely quality of many of the children being brought forth. He questioned whether it's worth it to be so "pro black babies" if they're gonna turn out to be what he considers low quality. He supported his position by referencing (what he obviously perceives to be) the destructive and unhealthy mentality of the mostly young folk who are having and raising babies. While I can't recall any specific examples being given. I do have an idea of the kind of mentality he spoke of.

Although I fully understand and empathize with each stance taken during the duration of the conversation, I've yet to reconcile my own thoughts on the matter. Much like the first brother, I'm pro-baby. (And for clarification, this is to say nothing in the way of the whole "pro-life" or "pro-choice" mania that often consumes the minds of many in this country. I'm simply saying that I like babies and am happy in knowing that new ones are constantly arriving.) The idea of more black babies being born makes my heart smile. :-D Yet, I can't ignore the second brother's position on what he feels is a concern where the fostering of these babies is concerned in this modern era. I mean, I personally become disheartened by some of what I see on a frequent basis in regards to child/parent relationships in my own community. Even in my despondency, I'm not likely to conclude that certain people shouldn't have children. Or that there should be a halt in reproduction until young parents are able to realize a better model for child rearing. At the same time though, seems to me that there is a cause for intervention in some cases. And I don't mean Child Protective Services. What exactly is to be done and how, I'm not sure. It's a very delicate topic and likely runs deeper than is readily discernible.

I really don't have an answer or conclusion. Just sharing.


Count Me In

Dec 23, 2008


Yesterday I decided that I wasn't gonna do anything tangibly productive. No sewing. No cooking. No cleaning. No nothing. (Although I did end up sauteing some kale.)
Anyway, I went to the library and checked out 7 dvds, got back home, and commenced to lying bundled up on the couch while viewing them on my computer. (Yeah, it's going on 2009 and I've never owned an actual, "connect it to your t.v." dvd player.)
The films I checked out include George Washington, Sicko, Daughters of the Dust, and The Handmaid's Tale. The one that's relevant to this post is Maxed Out. I'd seen it before but got it again just cause. This time around somtheing that caught my attetention near the beginning was a comment by the guy who hosted Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous. He said a lot of stuff, but the part that stuck with me was a statement he made in regards to people's fascination with the way rich, famous folks live.
And I quote:
"Nobody would watch lifestyles of the poor and unknown."
That made me think. Actually, I for one probably would watch a show of that nature, because there's something about the way materially "poor" people live that fascinates me. The way they're able to survive and the methods employed in order to ensure that survival is pretty intriguing. To me anyway.
Seeing as how I'm one who wouldn't be classified as rich or even upper or middle class and know what it is to have to "make do" with what you have, I've got a pretty strong appreciation for others who have the knowledge and ability to do the same. Futher, as a product of the very rural south seeing people living that way is/was the norm. It isn't to say that rural living implies "poorness"; there were certainly those in my community who did have; but there were definitely more who didn't. They still got by, though. Usually with much merriment and joy.
And even while this form of living isn't really anything new to my experience, I'd still watch a show on it. (Hopefully it wouldn't be biased and skewed. We are talkimg and t.v. and media afterall.) Even if I were to ever achieve the status of "rich and famous," I'd like too keep some of those jewels from the "poor and unknown" in my arsenal of knowledge. Seems only right to me.

Change, please.

Jan 12, 2009


(And I'm not talking about coins.)

At some point during my childhood--I think age 10 or 11--I had an accident. My cousin and I were riding our bikes down a steep hill, as we frequently did, trying to see who could go the fastest. Something must have been wrong with one of my tires, or it just wasn't a good day for going so fast,cause before I knew it, me and my bike were over in the ditch. A deep ditch. I was in pain, but it wasn't so bad. Until I saw the blood coming form my mouth. I panicked, jumped up, and ran all the way home crying and thinking surely I was bleeding to death. My cousin followed behind me on her bike. Soon enough I was calmed down by my mother and the bleeding was brought under control. Turned out that in the crash I'd bitten down on the inside of my mouth causing a small cut. Apparently it was a pretty hard bite, because when I was observing my inner lip in the mirror I noticed that one of my front teeth was now slightly chipped in the bottom corner. I just shrugged it off, figuring it was a natural part of my youthfulness. I'd go on to have many more cuts and bruises and marks resulting from falls and bike crashes and ant bites and the like. My cousin did the same (She ended up having a bike accident during which a small rock managed to embed itself in her forehead. The scar stands to this day)
Life went on.
Fast forward to October 2008. I'm at the dentist (a new dentist for me) for a checkup. The lady tells me everything she needs to tell me then proceeds to tell me that my tooth should be "fixed." Her position was that, as a designer (she'd inquired about my "occupation" to assist her in her sales pitch, I suppose) I'd be meeting and talking to new people all the time, so it was important that I have a "perfect smile." I'm guessing a chipped front tooth does not exemplify perfection. She wasn't asking me how I felt about it. She was telling me how I should feel about it.
Never in the 15-16 years since that accident has the tooth posed a problem for me. In all my years of going to dentists and meeting people and talking to people has it been an issue. Further, I'm quite content with it the way it is and sport it proudly as a nostalgic memory.

As a person who understands business and what the bottom line is ($$$), I know that it's in the dentist's best interest to squeeze as much money out of me as possible. "Perfecting" my smile would have meant more money in her pocket. Knowing this and knowing that I have no worries about the tooth, I didn't take what she was saying personally.
But what about the cases where references to one's "imperfections" are taken personally? Seems that sometimes people are fine and secure with themselves until someone else--it only takes one single person--comes along and implies that they aren't good enough as they are. They're told that their smile or nose or way of speaking or place of origin or whatever isn't sufficient. So they have a cosmetic dental procedure or they cut/color/curl/straighten/add weave to their hair or they have nose surgery or they try to abandon their accent in order to speak "better" or they pretend to be from some place they're not. All because they've suddenly been told--after so many years of being perfectly fine with themselves--that they should change. (and I put "please" in the title, but many times it might be a demand.)

To me this is pretty tragic and detrimental to the individualism that apparently--based on the prevailing differences among people of the world--is meant to be.
I mean, isn't individuality a good thing??


Feb 25, 2009


The other day a local woman was arrested for repeatedly running over her 11 year old son with her SUV til he died. (read story here). There isn't much information on her motivation. All that's factual to me is that she did it and the child is dead. Such a sad situation.

The thing that gets me in stories like this or any other story where someone unexpectedly shot someone, beat someone, cut someone, burned down a building, raped someone, molested a child, or any other number of tragic events that occur all too frequently is the response of those who know/knew the person who committed the act. Is it just the case where I live or is it a universal thing that the accused in these sorts of situations are always lauded as good people before the crime? I find it almost always to be the case that the ones being interviewed on the news or in the newspaper have nothing but positive things to say about the one being charged....how they were well-known and liked in the community; how they came from a good family; how they always attended PTA meetings and other school activities; how they were in church every week; how they always were upbeat and happy; how they never seemed violent or distempered; how it's so unbelievable that they'd commit such an act. And so on and so forth.
This always baffles my mind. It's not to say that these people couldn't have been all these things. Considering that I don't know any more about them than what I hear or read, I have no authority to say they were not and can only take the word of those who knew them. And I'm not likely to say that those who knew/know them are lying. In fact, I'm more inclined to believe them, especially since I know people don't always outwardly portray there inner selves, feeling, or thoughts.

It's just always been very curious to me.

What breakdown occurs to make someone who was apparently such an asset to society snap and commit an act that takes the life of someone else (or violate someone else) and lands them in an unfavorable legal position that'll dictate their lived from here on out (in most cases)? Now if, for instance, in the case of the woman mentioned above, someone got on the news and said, "Well, I saw it coming. She was always abusing the child," then it'd be more balanced..like this:

She always abused the child.


One day she really snapped and killed him.


She was such a good mother and did everything right.


One day she snapped and killed him

Doesn't balance out for me where the dialogue about these sorts of matter is concerned.

And I'm not saying anything about whether or not she was justified in her actions, since I'm not in the position to do so (though it does break my heart). I just wonder about the inconsistency between the way some of the people are described and the actions they take that negate those descriptions.



April 15, 2009

I decided today that I'm gonna give saying "no" a break for a minute and say "yes" more. It hit me while I was in the grocery store earlier. I go through this from time to time and will probably be back to saying "no" on a regular basis next week, ha!

But for now it's, "Yes!" (well not to everything ;-)

And speaking of "yes," one of my current guilty pleasure jaaaaaaams:

Yeah, Lil' Wayne and all.

**I just came back from a solo drive to Atlanta and other places and had the most interesting and hilarious time. I picked up some icky germ somewhere along the way, though (runny nose, fatigue, etc.), and that ain't cool. But still, "Yes!"

**I really came here to talk about something else, but got sidetracked, so this is random.

"I turn ya on like a handle..."


When It All Falls Down

Jun 29, 2010


i recently returned from spending 3.5 days in algiers point, new orleans. following the incidences said to have been the result of a hurrican called "katrina", i heard about the senseless "race" related shootings/killings that took place in algiers point as those who fled their homes in the city sought refuge in this particular, virtually untouched neighborhood.

while there this past weekend, i was told more stories of hateful events that took place against black individuals at the hands of white males. then tonight i can across this in depth article


and got chills as i read about these killings taking place on the very street that i walked on bare foot--and alone--sunday night trying to catch a cool breeze. it made me shudder to see in the article the names of streets and intersections that i recently became familiar with just so i could know my way around during the brief period of my stay in algiers.

the very street on which my place of residence while i was there is housed is also the street where a black man was gunned down while trying to find some relief from flood waters and chaos.

it was devastating to read/hear about before and even more touching now. in all matters dealing with the brutal treatment and killing of black people i always say to myself. "it could have been me" because of who i am by nature. given the circumstances surrounding my place and time in this world i suppose, it has yet to be. but i always feel like it could have been and could be. people are sick.

at the end of the day, there's the possibility that anything can and will go when dealing with the psychology of insane people who apparently are capable of being even more insane when they're in a state of fear. this is nothing new. we've got to be ready.


In Truth

Jul 17, 2010

"I realize we are in truth the truth we seek
this very moment."--Me'Shell NdegeOcello

nature dress

the other day--wednesday--i sat in the house feeling like my head would surely explode at any moment. there's been so much going on in my world lately, and at one point on wednesday, it's like it was all running together. in my mind. until finally i hit a wall. mentally. couldn't think/worry/stress anymore. my head felt tight. strained. and forget about designing/sewing. inspiration and the motivation to do so had been foreign to me lately. i thought it must be the feeling a balloon would have if it were filled to capacity with air and could feel. that feeling of needing release. deflating.

i got up and went outside to sit at a nearby lake and watch the water be peaceful and the animals--ducks, squirrels, etc.--play.

it didn't take long before i felt it. deflation. i literally felt myself, my mind letting go. i felt the tension leaving. until i reached a place on non-thought. i was just there. existing. mentally peaceful. then i had the desire to create something. it was an urgent, almost violent need.

i returned inside, stood in the doorway of my sewing room, and three differnt fabrics immediately caught my eye, and the idea for them came to me instantly. something simple. perfect. not too long after that, i had a dress. (see above)

i feel like i was saved that day. led. guided. set free.

and i knew what it would take to get there. it was in me. what i had to do was in me. i flowed with it, and understood--had it shown to me for the first time in a long time--that i am that truth. we are.


Speak On It

Let me preface this by saying that when it comes to the presidency of Barack Obama, I'm pretty much neutral. I'm not enthusiastic about it; nor am I despondent about it. You won't catch me in Obama paraphernalia or praising his success as "the first black president."; nor will you hear me dogging the man out and playing into the conspiritorial dialogue regarding him that's pervasive in some circuits. I respect him as an individual and hope that for the sake of himself, his family, and this nation as a whole that all goes well while he's in that position.

With that said...
Recently while listening to internet radio I heard a statement made by someone that went something like:

"Judging from his actions, it's evident that barack Obama has shown more loyalty to his white mother than to his black father."
He was speaking in context of the perception that President Obama fails to show concern (through action) for black people but gives preference to others. If someone takes issue with Barack Obama's lack of positive activity in the black community, fine. I don't really know too much about what he has or hasn't done in that aspect, so I can't hypothesize on that issue one way or the other.
To me, though, it's unreasonable to even use his parents--and the difference in their "racial" background--and whatever relationship he might have had with them to make a point about his loyalty or disloyalty to a particular group. Those are his parents, and the fact that they were of 2 different backgrounds and the circumstances which perpetuated the way he was raised (being primarily reared by one side of the family as opposed to the other or both) was out of his control. Can those of us who are not the offspring of 2 "racially" or culturally contrasting parents really speak on the allegiance to one parent or another (or whether there is any or not or whether it's right or wrong) that those who are might or might not exhibit? Maybe we can, and I just didn't realize it. Somebody break it down for me.
I guess it's only natural that black people (generally speaking) would like to think that Barack Obama--because he is looked at as being the first African-American president of this country (and I realize that has been debated)--would be more loyal to us a group, especially considering the history of America. My opinion on that is irrelevant at this point.But I just don't see how or why someone would talk about what he is or isn't doing as president in context of the relationship he may or may not have has with his mother and father.

I'm all for arguing a point and challenging the actions taken by someone in a power position. However, it seems only right that the subjects being used in making the argument be reasonable or fair in relation to what's being argued.


The Book, The Cover...You Know


Saturday night, Jun 6: I found myself in the presence of a guy--seemingly intoxicated but perhaps naturally inebriated--like--who was "tryna holla" as we say. ("We" being me, my homegirl, and my cousin, who were also with me.) So, he's talking. I'm standing there attempting to maintain my personal space--which he was unashamedly claiming as his own--and keep the light red substance in his plastic cup off my person as he swayed too and fro. (The substance filled cup being a further sign of his likely intoxication.) The monologue progressed, and I waded through words to form sentences to ultimately gather the essence. Noticing his particular dialect, I asked where he was from. "New Orleans," was the reply. I had suspected that much seeing as how the way of speech that I find to be commonplace in many New Orleans brothas is easily recognizable . Next question, "Whatchu doin' up here?" (In Grambling, where I was visiting my people.) Him: "In school. Gone be a doctor one day."

Saturday, June 13: I'm recapping the previous Saturday's event with my cousin--who thought the sight of me and said inebriated male quite funny. Once she and I had finished our assessment of all that had gone down the week before, it hit me. I had been in the presence of a future trailblazer in the medical field. The traditionally trained and educated medical doctor who would somehow manage to remove the negative mainstream stigma from the practice of natural healing once and for all while simultaneously making normal the concept that a faulty and unnatural diet is a primary cause of the plethora of diseases that plague people and makes necessary the endless flow of drugs and medical procedures that leave us physically, mentally, and financially out of balance.
Or, simply another medical doctor in the field doing what medical doctors traditionally do. But the point, as it suddenly came to me, wasn't about whether he'd go on to actualize my personal fantasies about health and healing or whether he'd continue on the traditional path (which I'm by no means downplaying here). More relevant than that was the notion that this person, in all his drunken, gansta-fied glory--regardless of what box society may have built for him based on his way of dress, speech, and current exploitation of worldly gratifications (all which I have no problem accepting as who he is), and regardless of what my initial thoughts might have been when he first came up to me--has aspirations to and will be a doctor. And I'll take his word for that.

peace and prosperity!


Jan 1, 2010

this is somethins i've been wanting to express in written form for at least the past 4-5 months. for some reason it's been a struggle to say it how i really want, but last night with tv noise of folks in times square counting down to 2010, it came to me (quite sloppily and chaotically, as you can see)...

the use of the term "community" in certain contexts can potentially lead to confusion as to what's being referred to. My community --what/who it consists of and entails--may not at all be the same as your community. What's even more important to understand than that is that the word, as it's used in a more general context to refer to a city or town does not necessarily or automatically encompass my community or yours or his or hers or theirs--meaning the actual community (neighborhood or section/side of town) that I, you, he, she, or they live in. This is especially the case when our more specified communities are made up of individuals of the same or a similar ethnic, economic, or social background. Especially, especially when past and present social actions by one particular group exhibit a complete and total disregard for individuals of a different group as though they, the different ones, were less than human or nonexistent.

my literal-mindedness usually causes me to pause and really consider what's being said when i hear local politicians and other people in power positions (or just people in general who i know live in a community that's nothing like the one i identify with) going on and on about "our community", "the larger community", "the needs of the community" or any of the other overly used phrases thrown out there i'm guessing to generate a sense of belonging among the people or to sound good on tv/radio.
when listening, i wonder," is what this person saying relevant to every specific community within the larger community that he/she is obviously talking about?"
i'm finding more and more that the answer is an emphatic NO, and that the person doing the talking is practicing inaccurate speech. somehow i feel that in many of these cases they know that they're excluding particular people when they're making certain points. and they don't care. and neither do i, really. it just disturbs me when the people who are being excluded from this very broad use of "community" don't know and can't see it.


What's It To You?

Jan 16, 2010



it's too bad this isn't the kind of society where errors or misprints can absolutely, without question be taken as just that--an unintentional mistake on behalf of the writer or publisher.

from time to time while reading i'll come across inaccuracies that don't allow me to simply continue on and attribute the error to what could have been an honest mistake on the author's behalf.

one such instance that clearly stands out in my mind is in regards to the 2006 film
children of men. i
remember going to the theatre to see it and not too long afterwards reading a review of the film in a local paper. a very critical mistake--or so i feel-- made by whoever it was that wrote the review was the assertion that the one pregnant individual in a land where infertility had dominated for years was julianne moore when in fact the pregnant character in the film is claire-hope ashitey, a british actress of ghanaian descent. and just as i was sitting here getting read to sum up why i felt this was a critical mistake made by the film critic, i came across this:

**Claire-Hope Ashitey as Kee, a character who did not appear in the book. The role of an African illegal immigrant was written into the film, based on CuarĂ³n's opinion of the recent single-origin hypothesis of human origins and the status of dispossessed people:"The fact that this child will be the child of an African woman has to do with the fact that humanity started in Africa. We're putting the future of humanity in the hands of the dispossessed and creating a new humanity to spring out of that."
so there's that. (bold and italics added by me.)

That I Am


February 24, 2010

my beloved peter tosh said:

"i don't owe no one no obligation; no one owe me none, so everything is fine, fine."

i need to shout that from a mountain top, cause some folk in my realm been straight trrrrripin' this week! lord!

in the past i'd make myself so emotionally available that i'd become drained. i stayed on top of things to see to it that no offense could be taken due to the fact that i may not have returned a call, called at all, given a smile, spoken...first...as in, when i encountered someone in a public place whom i knew...y'all may know how that goes.

at this point, though,i'm so over it. i mean dang, sometimes i forget to call, get caught up, have personal issues to cause my mind to be elsewhere, may be busy, get sad, may not have seen you in order to speak...first. if someone wants to get all bent out of shape and snooty (a word i've been having fun saying lately) because i didn't live up to whatever expectation they may have had, then hey...


maaan! it seems like (some) people really take it as a blow to themselves if they don't get a response as quickly or in the manner that they're used to or feel entitled to.

how insane is that??

come on people.


but enough about me. there are even more relevant matters at hand. my sistafriend sent me a video that i'd like to share. i know i've said it somewhere before, but i must have been a midwife or someone of that nature in a previous life, because everything about birth fascinates me. i somewhat touched on that subject here before. let's just say i'm damaged goods when it comes to having

(now you might wonder, "how can it be when you've never experienced it??" well, i've somewhat touched on the subject of my non-reproductive stint thus far in a post before.)

i'm particularly enthralled by natural birth. (which reminds me that i need to see the business of being born for the i don't know how many time.) she (sistafriend) is looking to get a copy of another borth-related film entitled bringin' in da spirit for a local community even she'll be holding in may. if anyone has the word on getting it at a more economical rate, lemme know.

ok, the video:


May 17, 2010


recently someone described an incident to me in which he--the storyteller--was in a particular environment where he was in charge of making sure that a group of women made it safely inside a facility for an event that was taking place. as he stood on post securing the area, he happened to be watching the women as they entered and smiled at them kindly.

a woman standing nearby observed his actions (the watching and smiling), approached him, and asked:

"are you securing the women or watching the women?"

to which he replied:


a look of confusion appeared on the woman's face, and the one doing the securing stated:

"while i am securing the women, i am also simply admiring the beauty that is the black woman. it's natural for man to admire woman just as many other aspects of life are natural."

with that, the woman looked at him in disgust and walked off.

later on when the two happened to be in each other's presence again, the previous encounter came up. the woman who'd given the sour expression expressed concern for the brother's comments regarding "some things just being natural" in relation to men and women. she let him know that she thought his remarks had been inappropriate. to this he asked for clarification only to find that she'd misunderstood the point he was making. in his mind--though he'd not said it--he was merely meaning that it's as natural as a man to be attracted to a woman as it is to eat, sleep, breathe, go to the restroom, etc. this brought a smile and look of relief to the sister's face, and she explained she thought he was primarily referring to sex--which she'd taken offence to for herself and the other women.


misunderstanding and misperceptions bother me at times. for the most part, i'm pretty nonchalant or unconcerned when it comes to how i may be taken or perceived--especially when it comes to personal attributes and materialistic matters. however, i do feel that there's a great danger in misunderstanding or misperceiving someone when it comes to situations where the misunderstanding has the potential to change the dynamics of how we relate to one another as humans. and not just how we relate to one another on the physical level (ex: mean mugging or rolling eyes at someone when we come across them), but also on a spiritual, mental, and emotional level as well (ex: thinking negative thoughts or wishing harm on a person when we see them).

unfortunately, i've found it to be the case on multiple occasions that the person who is doing the misunderstanding is doing so not necessarily because the other person is causing them to. instead, their limited way of thinking and their personal biases/prejudices/preexisting ideas about a person or concept keeps them from seeing beyond internalized negativity.

fortunately, clarification on the part of the misunderstood one can usually change that perception. in the story that i opened with, it turned out to be the case that the woman had encountered men in her life experience who appeared to be righteous and good-hearted but turned out to be the type who view women as objects that are here to fulfill man's sexual desires. consequently, she'd internalized this perception of men on some level, and it was with this perception that she related to the brother when she heard his comments. her expression soured and she was likely ready to write him off as being "just like those others." yet, when he was given the opportunity to clarify, she understood, her heart softened, and all was well.

what i find to be most tragic is when a person is not allowed to clarify or when they do and the other person is so set in their views and perceptions (that they hold to be so very valid and matter of fact) that they still don't get it or even want to. expecially when the person being misunderstood has the best of intentions. this is very intriguing to me.


i've always felt nina simone on this one. although they're referring to a love interest and a romantic relationship and are somewhat off subject of what i'm saying,i feel the lyrics.


Sign of the Times

Jun 11, 2010

despite all that is said pertaining to the de-population of black people in this country/world via disguised tactics (promotion of abortions in black communities under the guise of "help", etc.) and how we're losing so many men to the incarceration system and how we're not perceiving or doing anything about this, every now and then i'll hear words that make me smile and reaffirm what i already know: this idea--that nobody cares/nothing is being done--is not absolutely true. i'm not saying it's "absolutely not true". i'm saying it's "not true ABSOLUTELY".

a couple weeks ago i overheard this conversation:

location--laundromat in "tha hood" aka where black people live in large amounts.

(names made up)

person a (adult female): "giiiirl, you know tori's daughter is pregnant, and she was trying to make her have an abortion..."

person b (also an adult female): "whhhaaaaat?!?!?"

person a: yeah! they don't want nobody to know. the girl and her lil boyfriend want the baby, though.

person b: she's about to graduate right?

person a: yeah, next week. girl, these parents be pushing abortions on these young girls like it ain't nothing. just want to kill the child before it grow!!

person b: uuummmhmmm. don't make no sense. hell. they act like being pregnant is a sin.

person a: thank ya!

then she runs off to corral her two young children who were running around having the time of their lives in there. (and i had previously participated with them a bit, lol!)


just the other day i was in an elevator at the courthouse with two other women and heard this:

ok, really i was zoned out and didn't catch their entire conversation. but as the elevator opening and one woman got off, i heard:

"girl yeah. i'm gone save my son before the system get him!!"

to which the other lady replied

"i know that's right!"

these are little (really...HUGE) victories that make my heart smile.

all isn't lost.